People everywhere need to learn how to accept and find the love and friendship that they need. With this being said, everyone needs different things out of their lives. Personally, I need more attention than an introvert, and less that an egomaniac. To some I could be seen as an ego maniac for needing attention, and I am okay with that, simply because I know that is something that I need to be happy in my own life.
Attention is just one of the many facets that come into play when discussing what you need out of your own life. People also need love, friendship, self-care, etc. If in any way you feel these things are not being fulfilled then what's stopping you from seeking more out of your life?
Often times I find it hard and or upsetting to have to disturb the flow of things in order to seek what I need. For example, what if you're in a toxic relationship (friendly or romantic) and this person just makes you feel small and unloved? Is it worth taking a beating mentally just so they don't get their feelings hurt?
If this is EVER the case you should seek out more in your own life. Find what you need. Find who you need. Find whatever makes it so you can live a full and happy life.
If you are in a position of knowing that someone makes you unhappy, why would you keep letting them put you down? I got into the pattern of letting people treat me poorly, and not asking myself why I kept letting them do it to me? My only defense? I wanted more for myself. I felt unloved and not needed, so why would I stick around? I got more for myself
Though separation can be dramatic and painful, time keeps going and life moves on. You are not going to be sitting there on your death bed asking yourself why you ended a friendship because you thought it would make yourself happy. You are going to be thinking about all the wonderful things that you sought out in your own life, and all the wonderful, loving people that you let into your life because you decided you wanted more.
Above is a TED talk on healthy relationships, that I found to be something good to think about. below here is a link to a website that describes types of abusive relationships and their traits, if any of these hit a little too close, maybe you should seek out more: kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html?WT.ac=t-ra
I wish you all happy loving relationships,
Olivia
ReplyDeleteOlivia,
You know, I spent most of the time I had planned for this response ranting about a bad friend with another one of our mutual friends and this really helped. I have put up with a lot from her out of concerns about mental health and the breaking of trust, but my issues with her seem universal. Maybe you are right and I should just let it go
I at least often obsess and worry more about my relationship with someone than either their or my well being (I have, unfortunately, been both sides of the equation you describe), and it seems that you do the same. Perhaps an opportune blog post will remind me of who I should and should not let into my circle of trust.
Thank you,
Roan
Roan,
DeleteI am so happy that this blog made you feel this way! that was the goal, for people to realize that they don't need to put up with bad friends out of obligation.
have a wonderful day,
Olivia
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteReading your blog post felt like deja-vu because I have had my mother tell me this same message time and time again. I agree with what you mentioned about the fact that it is ok to want attention. If someone is always trying to please others but doesn't have anyone invested in them, they will ultimately not be happy. As I have grown, I have realized what my healthy and unhealthy friendships are. Although it is difficult for me to do, when I remove unhealthy friendships from my life, I am happier and less stressed. Do you find it hard to cut off relationships?
Shenika,
DeleteOf course! ending any relationship is always hard. It feels like the end of an era when you end a long time friendship with someone you've shared so much with!!
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteThis blog post hit me hard because it reminded me of some very toxic relationships that I have been in. I agree that we all need to know our needs and to not let anyone give you anything less. I have learned that second chances are not always a bad thing as long as they prove they have changed. The hardest part for me is how to cut off these toxic relationships. Do you have any advice on how to peacefully terminate a friendship or romantic relationship?
Emma,
DeleteWhen it comes to ending these toxic relationships it depends on the type of person you're dealing with. With some people it is easier to just sort of fade away and stop talking/ hanging out. For others you need to have a solid talk with who ever and explain how you think it would be better if you stop being friends. Granted this is the more confrontational one, which for me is SO much harder. With that being said, it will be hard for a little bit, but then you will no longer be friends with this toxic person.
good luck with your toxic person,
Olivia
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteI really like your blog post and it made me think of all the times that we have talked about bad friendships and a specific bad relationship. I love the fact that you have titled this post “Learning to Want More” because there are so many people that need to want more. For example, in the bad relationship, we said that our friend need to think better of themselves and want more out of their live and relationship. I also know that you have told me many times that I need to want more. More out of friendships specifically and not just takes what comes to me. More can be as in more respect or more interaction with the person, friend in my case. You have also told me not to want to much because that can be just as bad as not wanting enough. It is very hard to find a happy medium.
Thank you for helping me remember the good times,
Your friend Libby
Olivia, this was a complete "pick me up" kind of post. I love how you got to the point and basically said if it is not making you happy, leave. In my life I tend to struggle with ending relationships between friends or people in general. My biggest fear is what happens afterwards. Are they going to spread rumors? Hate my guts? It is one of those constant battles that one seems to never win. But, I wanted to thank you for your post. What you said is accurate, and you should not feel bad for wanting what will make you happy in your life. People will always talk even when they have never talked to you. I feel like everyone is constantly searching for themselves and often do not know what they want. At least, I have an idea of who I am and what I want, but if I am being honest, I haven't got a clue. In order to be able to know what you want, do you think you have to know yourself? Wonderful post!
ReplyDelete