Both Keats and Longfellow's poems are about unfulfilled desires and the ever-present idea that death is coming. Later on in both poems, their views shift slightly on the matter of life and what needs to come out of it. Longfellow's view on life stays grim and depressing throughout his poem, whereas Keats wants to see all that life has to offer but is daunted by the fear of death and not accomplishing that which wants.
The most similar part of the poems was in the beginnings of them, both start grim and depressing as they express their disdain towards eventual death. Keat's, "I may cease to be," parallels Longfellow's, "Half of my life is gone," by both expressing their common belief that they may stop living at any point. The similarities between the poems extend to Longfellow saying, "gone, and I have let/
The years slip from me and have not fulfilled/ The aspiration of my youth," and Keats' ominous use of the word "before," implying that there is still so much that he has not done that he wishes to do.
The middle part of both of poems is where Longfellow and Keats start to differentiate their points. Keats starts sharing his desire for romance in line 5, "When I behold, upon the night’s starr’d face,/
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance," to convey his desire for romance before his passing. In contrast, Longfellow says, "But sorrow, and a care that almost killed,/ Kept me from what I may accomplish yet." Longfellow's views are much grimmer and he believes that overwhelming sorrow and dismay is enough to keep him from acting on his desires. Between the two poems, Longfellow is much more depressing and believes that his desires are not able to be pursued because it is all futile, whereas Keats believes that his desire is enough to keep wishing for it and striving for it.
When I Have Fears and Mezzo Cammin both conclude in a scenic way, hence making them similar on the surface, but different once you read a little beneath the surface. "Then on the shore/ Of the wide world I stand alone, and think/ Till love and fame to nothingness do sink," the conclusion of Keats' poem uses imagery to paint this picture of a man standing and looking out onto the world and reflecting his life. Keats shares his view on his past, and how it was filled with more important ideas, other than if you completed a desire or not. In sharp contrast, Longfellow paints a similar image with a man standing and contemplating his life. " A city in the twilight dim and vast, ....The cataract of Death far thundering from the heights," is Longfellows interpretation of a man looking back at his life. The city is a metaphor for his life- vast and dim, filled with missed opportunities and a sorrowful outlook. The real contrast between Keats' and Longfellow's poems is that Longfellow ends his poem with the cry of death, as to say there is no point because all is futile in the end.
Nice job! You use a lot of evidence in your writing to support your argument but there a couple of things you should focus on: structure and analysis. The thesis needs to be a bit cleaner and you can do this by having two similarities and one difference between the poems, or one similar and two differences between the poems, since the rule of three is generally good to stick to. Doing this will make your arguments much cleaner, as there should be one paragraph for each of the points in your thesis. Also, in terms of structure, I am not exactly sure where your conclusion is. I can sort of see a conclusion in the last paragraph but it should definitely be its own paragraph. If that whole last paragraph was your conclusion then make sure you don’t have evidence in it, but rather you provide a summary of your essay and the final message you want the reader to think about. In terms of analysis, you provide a lot of evidence but almost half of it does not get analyzed to its full potential. I also think you chose good pieces of evidence so just try to contextualize it into your argument so you are thoroughly answering the prompt. Overall, good post!
ReplyDelete-Akash Rathod
Hi Olivia!
ReplyDeleteYour essay was well written- you have a very nice voice. I would give your essay a 6.
You make really nice comparisons and contrasts between the two poems. It shows your comprehension quite well.
However, there are somethings that I would change. For instance, I would make your thesis a little narrower. It was a good start to your claim, but it was a little too general. What, specifically, did these two poems do in order to create the contrasts and comparisons? You start to briefly touch these points in the individual paragraphs themselves, but never are really direct. I think it might be helpful to explicitly state that, as I was a little confused throughout the essay.
I would also, like Akash said, split the last paragraph into two. An analysis paragraph should be separate from a conclusion. They carry very different content.
Other than that, I think that you have a great start! Keep it up!
Hi Liv! You did a great job on your essay. Your introduction set the tone for your insightful comparisons between the two poems. While your comparisons and differences between the two poems were good, I believe your argument could be further improved by more warrant in your paragraphs. A few extra sentences that tied everything back to your thesis would make your argument feel more complete. Another thing that would make this essay even stronger would be a separate paragraph for your conclusion. It seems to end abruptly with you explaining a quote. If you could sum up everything you’ve discussed through the essay in two or three sentences, your essay would provide more closure for the reader instead of them feeling like they need more. Overall, you had a very strong essay that answered the prompt in an insightful way.
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