The Garden

Hey so since no one reads this anymore I thought I might have a little fun and share something I've been working on in class. 

 I really like it and even if no one gets it or likes it, I don't care... This is my outlet where I have been deciding what to share for the past little bit...

Anyway, here it is:

What if each family is simply a garden?

With explicit rows defining who is who and what is what. With each seedling planted firmly in its place only to grow and expand into the vase unknown.

What if each seed was a soul?

with the unique patterns and behaviorism hiding underneath a smooth and slick outside. With only time to be the key to discovering such complexity that is yet unknown

Personally, I reside with the garden roses. Small and sweet they open up, letting you see to the very core of them. without any fear, they cause you to be drawn it by their innocence and positive aura. but with one simple touch you may be pricked, so a warning must be issued to all: you may regard, but with great distance. so there the rose sits in their refined ways alone, and undisturbed.

My mother on the other hand is a strong study stalk of bee balm with her vibrant coloring and her natural bass. letting one and all know that she is one with the rest of the earth, but allowing herself to be diverse in the head, her petals allowing subtle differences seep into her brightly colored persona.

My father resembles that of a night  blooming cereus. He is humbled and natural sitting amongst the other plants, not drawing attention to himself, but if caught at the right time he could be something vastly brilliant. He opens up letting people see into him and recognize the inner complexity that is not seen when the sun is high in the sky. Although rare, it is beyond anticipated to see what makes him truly unique.

Although it is not finished, I like the direction of whatever I have been getting at.

With that I am finished with this brief little bit.  

Goodnight,

Olivia

xoxo

Late-Night Thoughts

Good whatever-time-of-day-you're-reading-this! How are you today?

I come come to write fully equip with a stress lined rant, so time to get comfy :)

Okay first of we have the endless night packed with studying, and trying oh so very hard to not frustrate the people around and in our lives, and your sleep deprived body tries to communicate on some level of human interaction you could potentially deem as "nice", also known as finals.

They suck. There is no way around that fact. You could have a 4.00 GPA or a 2.00 GPA, and all the while they would still be stressful. It is the unnatural act of cutting your sleep down by a handful on hours up to a few weeks in advance, so you can have more time to study everything you have learned since school has started.

Of course there are the educational benefits, but that's beside the point when you feel the need to pull an all-nighter to try and shove every little tid-bit of information you think you can hold in your brain.

Okay... enough on that now on to: DRAMA! *DUN DUN DUNNNN*

By no means is this section based off of anything in my life, but seriously why does drama always seem to come up just when you feel like you have a little too much of everything on your plate?

Is that some twisted Murphy's Law I neglected to recognize?

Seriously though, I think that people should just consider having a pause button for any and or all friendships. I don't mean that in the way it sounds, but as in if there was a button where you could just put all problems aside for like a few days, just so something could be done without any other distraction, and you could return to the problem again later.

Another serious benefit to the pause button would be it would give people time to think and actually decide what they think is important to be said, versus just say stuff just out of the heat of the moment.

And I can say with full certainty that I think this idea could of saved some of my older friendships that sorta fizzled out over pent up feelings and aggressive reactions.

\My next topic is: PLEASE TRY TO SAY THINGS TO PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW WILL RAISE THEM UP NOT DOWN!!!

This one comes out of kind of a sensitive place, because I have been told that I used to or still do (I don't really know) have people come to my blog to read what I have to say only to laugh at it and go off and tease it. That hurts. I realize I'm putting myself on display by trying out my feelings, but seriously if you're going to go off and tease me, PLEASE be classy enough to make sure it doesn't get back to me.

I seriously do not care if people want to go around and bash what I have to say, but please be kind to my face, that's all I ask.

That was sorta off kilter from what I wanted to say, but the point is still valid.

What I wanted to say was, if you have people in your life, regardless if you like them or not, I belive you should still be kind and have positive things to say.

I know it is supper hard to make something nice up to say sometimes, but it seriously helps to compliment someone, or share a (happier) thought, or something. On a selfish level it will make you feel better if you're kinder to others and share positive things.


I feel like this is a good stopping point for tonight. Just fyi I do not even come close to being perfect when it comes to any of these things, but they're some of my personal goals, and I would like to become a more positive and  less stressed person.



Anyways, I hope for better days to come,
xoxo
Olivia




* Just roll with it and pretend to hear the dramatic noise in your head.

Late Night Poetry pt 4

Mild disclosure: I am experiencing a mild sugar high at this given time and I'm like 100% sure it is beyond evident...

Hello people of the internet!

How are you all? is life good? I hope so becauseeeeeeee it is time for some

LATE

NIGHT

POETRYYYYYYYYY!!!

With that intellectual intro out of the way here is some of my late night poetry:

La Lumière

Est-ce tu as froid?

Est-ce tu as sommeil?

Est-ce tu as peur d’avoir tort?

Tu as besoin de chaleur

Tu as envie d’avoir raison

Je suis désolé tu ne dois pas la lumière.

And here's a little translation for you all:

The Light
Are you cold ?

Did you sleep?

Are you afraid of being wrong ?

You need heat

You want to be right

I'm sorry you do not have light.

If you have been reading my posts for the last little while you will be aware that some of the stuff I write about deals with some pretty heavy stuff. For those of you who relate to the saddened babble I thought I would share with you a really great app that is offered on Apple devices, I don't know if other servers have it, but it is called Pacifica. Although I wish this was sponsored, it is not, so don't think I am being paid even a little bit for this promo, but this app is great! It allows you to record all the crazy feelings that fly through your mind throughout the day and the emotions that ride around on those thoughts.

Anyways... that's all for now,

Olivia

xoxo

Late Night Poetry pt3

Hey so even though it isn't "late-night" as I'm posting this, I did happen to write this at night. 

Regardless this was some stored away poetry I wrote a little bit ago but was afraid to put out into the world. If you have been reading my blog for longer than a month then you will understand my hesitating on an emotional piece like the one below.

If you are new to this weird emotionally charged blog then I'll fill you in on what has been the past...

So basically the gist of it is, some people who read my blog, were um... less than pleased at what I had to say... but I did keep the post up, and I did send out an apology to hopefully soothe things over.

My point in the story was if you know me, please don't send your self into a tizzy over the words I have created, because like most humans, I feel emotion and this is my way of expressing some of my emotional turmoil.

Along those lines, please don't start playing the guessing game as to who this is about because A) I will not tell you. B) Please respect my request to keep this anonymous.

And with that intro out of the way... here is what I wrote:

Stop.

Stop making me feel unworthy of your presence;

You are not holy.

Stop the endless whining;

Life is not perfect.

Stop your discontent for the world;

Open your eyes and see there is more than the dark side.

For each time I thought this, I wonder if I am a hypocrite for thinking so;

My response is yes, I am.

I need not think of myself as any better than the next;

We are all the same on the inside.

I need to think before I speak;

Only letting encouraging words out.

I need to see life for the beauty it beholds;

Letting the optimist out from time to time.

Suppose we’re not so different you and I;

That is just what I needed to hear to change myself.

I hope you have a wonderful day, 

Olivia

xoxo

Monumental moments #1

Recently a friend of mine and myself have decided to start a (two person) writing group, so we can further our knowledge of writing and slowly become more comfortable with sharing our writing. (if you're interesting in joining our writing efforts, shoot me an email at oliviavanark@gmail.com.)

I mean personally, it's not that big of a problem for me, considering I shamelessly shove this blog down the throats of everyone I meet. I mean the mouth is basically free advertisement... AMIRITE?

Anyways, on to my first monumental moment of my life (AKA our first writing for the group):

The Impact of Writing in My Life:

You know the feeling of being around family, the one that makes you feel safe and like you belong? That is the feeling I get from writing.

It almost gives me a natural high from simply knowing that I am capable of  sharing my thoughts and emotions through a set of only 26 letters, that only get moved around to mean different things.

I am constantly thankful for the fact I am able to lay out my thoughts and ideas, but I suppose that can be attributed to the fact it am very, Very, VERY extroverted. So I suppose it is helpful I can successfully communicate what is going on in my chaotic mess of a mind.

The difference between writing and not writing for me is the difference between whether or not I will be able to communicate properly with people. Writing allows for all thoughts to be recorded and then rearranged into a logic order (unlike how they come to me in my head...).

Writing has slowly built up my confidence in what I am capable of producing with my own mind. I have seen the result of this in many different ways, such as: My work in color guard has become more expressive, I have become okay with people looking at me as I put myself on display and I have become okay with criticism. I honestly credit so much of that to my writing and how I have become okay with exposing what I have created.

 It seriously puts you on the spot of proving you either know what you're doing or not. I find that simply exhilarating, (and of course nerve racking, or terrifying if I don't know what I'm doing.)


That's all for now... Hope you're have a fabulous day,

Olivia
xoxo

Sorry

I'd like to formally apologize for anyone I may of offended with my last post.
At the same time I'd also like to congratulate anyone who moved on in their life.
Back to the apology, I'm sorry that I didn't cover anything after the "moving on", unhappy stuff has either happened or is going to happen. It's the truth, it sucks, but it's the truth. Regardless of who you are or what happened between whomever, by ending a chapter of your life (in terms of relationships), it will be awkward and sad.

I'm sorry and
Goodnight
Olivia

Music

You know that feeling when it feels like whatever song is playing crawls into your mind and camps out? It just inhabits the fresh vacancy of your mind and deeply dissembled feelings that you have shoved away and prayed will just disappear. I live for the moments when simple words can move you to tears and make those emotions flood back faster then you ever thought possible. I mean I can probably name off like 5 songs that can move me like that!

Sometimes, you just need to have those songs that make you feel that way, and if you don't please get on YouTube, Pandora, Spotify, or whatever it is that you use to find music; because even if you don't care for music, there has to be at least one song somewhere that can relate to however you feel right this very second.

Personally, I found my music when I was in about 2nd grade, listening to my moms old iPod nano, filled with on-hit-wonders of the 90's.I will never be able to thank her enough because, for every time I would sit there and let the melodies from the now-ancient device, my young mind would sit there and let my innocence filter out any un--savory content from the raunchy pop songs, I would slowly be falling in love with music itself.

Flash forward 9-ish years, I'm sitting here spilling out my messy emotions into lyrical patters, some call poetry, but to me poetry is that of a song that hasn't found it's melody yet. Regardless, music is the core of all the creative passion I feel in my life!

So I guess you could say one-hit-wonders of the 90's have thoroughly inspired me to do something as bold as to start a blog, where I can spill my emotions out to all of you via a screen and share some sense of relation amongst all of us crazy enough to take note of our emotions and confront them, either it be in your mind, on paper, or by means of a screen. I just want to say, I'm proud of you for confronting the lack of vacancy in your ever so dissembled thoughts.




Honestly, I am so thankful that I feel so passionately about something where it can move someone to tears, with only words. Sorry this post isn't anything fancy-dance-y, but this is me, and it hopefully is one of my better thoughts.

Olivia
xoxo

A Little Bit of Late Night Poetry

    Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I write, and sometimes when I re-read that writing in the moring, it's actually quite deep. So, without further introduction:

Elements 

I was the wind, always there and rarely heard.

 Words integrating uselessly without a second thought, and never comprehended.

I was the soft soil beneath their feet, pliable and moved when in the way. 

Only used to build people up and to not be acknowledged.

Add emotions to the wind and soil for a dust storm that disabled everything close to me.

 Embedding the nitty gritty that is my soul into everyone close to me,

 only to drive them away in a painful scene.

I hope you have a good night, 

Olivia 

xoxo