Learning Meditation

Recently I have been getting into the idea of meditating, and getting in touch with my breathing. It has really helped my psyche.

Contrary to what most people thing, it is beyond challenging to clear your mind and be at peace with your thoughts. I have learned to control these things with some help from different YouTube, and an app called Headspace. The app walks you through a 10 minute breathing exercise and as simple as it sounds, it proves to be rather difficult. (10/10 would recommend if you're new to meditation).

Another route you could take to learning to meditate is simply crashing and burning. Some people find it hard to sit still and try to clear their mind without any background noise, if that is the case you can always listen to some calming sounds such as rainfall or jungle sounds. YouTube is a good source to find these sounds.

I also have tried yoga in attempts to clear my ever buzzing mind. I don't do crazy stand on my head and count to a fifty, I like to do wind-down-yoga like or bed time yoga to help clear the mind. This is one video I LOVE to follow when I am needed a good mind-clearing

My favorite time to meditate or do yoga is when I get home (around 4 or 5). The reason I do this is because this is when my brain is the most cluttered and needs calming. This is just what works best for me, but it works whenever you can fit it into your schedule. remember if anything else you should do it the same-ish time every day and in the same area. The consistency will help you establish a routine.

Happy meditating,
Olivia

Late-Night Thoughts

Good whatever-time-of-day-you're-reading-this! How are you today?

I come come to write fully equip with a stress lined rant, so time to get comfy :)

Okay first of we have the endless night packed with studying, and trying oh so very hard to not frustrate the people around and in our lives, and your sleep deprived body tries to communicate on some level of human interaction you could potentially deem as "nice", also known as finals.

They suck. There is no way around that fact. You could have a 4.00 GPA or a 2.00 GPA, and all the while they would still be stressful. It is the unnatural act of cutting your sleep down by a handful on hours up to a few weeks in advance, so you can have more time to study everything you have learned since school has started.

Of course there are the educational benefits, but that's beside the point when you feel the need to pull an all-nighter to try and shove every little tid-bit of information you think you can hold in your brain.

Okay... enough on that now on to: DRAMA! *DUN DUN DUNNNN*

By no means is this section based off of anything in my life, but seriously why does drama always seem to come up just when you feel like you have a little too much of everything on your plate?

Is that some twisted Murphy's Law I neglected to recognize?

Seriously though, I think that people should just consider having a pause button for any and or all friendships. I don't mean that in the way it sounds, but as in if there was a button where you could just put all problems aside for like a few days, just so something could be done without any other distraction, and you could return to the problem again later.

Another serious benefit to the pause button would be it would give people time to think and actually decide what they think is important to be said, versus just say stuff just out of the heat of the moment.

And I can say with full certainty that I think this idea could of saved some of my older friendships that sorta fizzled out over pent up feelings and aggressive reactions.

\My next topic is: PLEASE TRY TO SAY THINGS TO PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW WILL RAISE THEM UP NOT DOWN!!!

This one comes out of kind of a sensitive place, because I have been told that I used to or still do (I don't really know) have people come to my blog to read what I have to say only to laugh at it and go off and tease it. That hurts. I realize I'm putting myself on display by trying out my feelings, but seriously if you're going to go off and tease me, PLEASE be classy enough to make sure it doesn't get back to me.

I seriously do not care if people want to go around and bash what I have to say, but please be kind to my face, that's all I ask.

That was sorta off kilter from what I wanted to say, but the point is still valid.

What I wanted to say was, if you have people in your life, regardless if you like them or not, I belive you should still be kind and have positive things to say.

I know it is supper hard to make something nice up to say sometimes, but it seriously helps to compliment someone, or share a (happier) thought, or something. On a selfish level it will make you feel better if you're kinder to others and share positive things.


I feel like this is a good stopping point for tonight. Just fyi I do not even come close to being perfect when it comes to any of these things, but they're some of my personal goals, and I would like to become a more positive and  less stressed person.



Anyways, I hope for better days to come,
xoxo
Olivia




* Just roll with it and pretend to hear the dramatic noise in your head.

Late Night Poetry pt3

Hey so even though it isn't "late-night" as I'm posting this, I did happen to write this at night. 

Regardless this was some stored away poetry I wrote a little bit ago but was afraid to put out into the world. If you have been reading my blog for longer than a month then you will understand my hesitating on an emotional piece like the one below.

If you are new to this weird emotionally charged blog then I'll fill you in on what has been the past...

So basically the gist of it is, some people who read my blog, were um... less than pleased at what I had to say... but I did keep the post up, and I did send out an apology to hopefully soothe things over.

My point in the story was if you know me, please don't send your self into a tizzy over the words I have created, because like most humans, I feel emotion and this is my way of expressing some of my emotional turmoil.

Along those lines, please don't start playing the guessing game as to who this is about because A) I will not tell you. B) Please respect my request to keep this anonymous.

And with that intro out of the way... here is what I wrote:

Stop.

Stop making me feel unworthy of your presence;

You are not holy.

Stop the endless whining;

Life is not perfect.

Stop your discontent for the world;

Open your eyes and see there is more than the dark side.

For each time I thought this, I wonder if I am a hypocrite for thinking so;

My response is yes, I am.

I need not think of myself as any better than the next;

We are all the same on the inside.

I need to think before I speak;

Only letting encouraging words out.

I need to see life for the beauty it beholds;

Letting the optimist out from time to time.

Suppose we’re not so different you and I;

That is just what I needed to hear to change myself.

I hope you have a wonderful day, 

Olivia

xoxo

Monumental moments #1

Recently a friend of mine and myself have decided to start a (two person) writing group, so we can further our knowledge of writing and slowly become more comfortable with sharing our writing. (if you're interesting in joining our writing efforts, shoot me an email at oliviavanark@gmail.com.)

I mean personally, it's not that big of a problem for me, considering I shamelessly shove this blog down the throats of everyone I meet. I mean the mouth is basically free advertisement... AMIRITE?

Anyways, on to my first monumental moment of my life (AKA our first writing for the group):

The Impact of Writing in My Life:

You know the feeling of being around family, the one that makes you feel safe and like you belong? That is the feeling I get from writing.

It almost gives me a natural high from simply knowing that I am capable of  sharing my thoughts and emotions through a set of only 26 letters, that only get moved around to mean different things.

I am constantly thankful for the fact I am able to lay out my thoughts and ideas, but I suppose that can be attributed to the fact it am very, Very, VERY extroverted. So I suppose it is helpful I can successfully communicate what is going on in my chaotic mess of a mind.

The difference between writing and not writing for me is the difference between whether or not I will be able to communicate properly with people. Writing allows for all thoughts to be recorded and then rearranged into a logic order (unlike how they come to me in my head...).

Writing has slowly built up my confidence in what I am capable of producing with my own mind. I have seen the result of this in many different ways, such as: My work in color guard has become more expressive, I have become okay with people looking at me as I put myself on display and I have become okay with criticism. I honestly credit so much of that to my writing and how I have become okay with exposing what I have created.

 It seriously puts you on the spot of proving you either know what you're doing or not. I find that simply exhilarating, (and of course nerve racking, or terrifying if I don't know what I'm doing.)


That's all for now... Hope you're have a fabulous day,

Olivia
xoxo

Summer Hiatus: Complete

Mission Reboot: ready for action!

That's right, I'm back! I have been swamped for the past little bit, and currently have more ideas than I know what to do with!

Regardless, I am ready to continue on the adventure known as blogging. Along with my adventure comes a new promise..... I am going to start posting on a (semi-) regular basis! The frequency of my post will depend heavily on what is going on in my personal life that week, but I will do my best to adumbrate the zillions of thoughts flying through my mind day to day, for both your entertainment and my peace of mind.

On a more serious note, I would like to explain the main reason I decided to take a break from posting. It was mostly due to the frustration and sadness that people reacted to negatively to the post that were about how I felt. Just a reminder this is 101 of MY (better) thoughts, so if your offended by my thoughts, why would you read them? Of course I realize that now, that people reacted to my thoughts, and I thought the answer was to change your thoughts. Well, it's not! I have recently been given quite the lesson on learning to trust my own opinion and not instantly discredit myself when someone disagrees with me. Honestly I believe that there are LOADS of people out there that do the same thing as what I did, and discredit yourself in the name of peace, but is it worth it?

For a change of pace, I thought I would start a new platform for people to express some of their (better) thoughts.  So if there is something that you would like to share, just email it to oliviavanark@gmail.com and all you need to do beyond that is specify if you would like it posted anonymously.

Have a good day,
Olivia
xoxo

Music

You know that feeling when it feels like whatever song is playing crawls into your mind and camps out? It just inhabits the fresh vacancy of your mind and deeply dissembled feelings that you have shoved away and prayed will just disappear. I live for the moments when simple words can move you to tears and make those emotions flood back faster then you ever thought possible. I mean I can probably name off like 5 songs that can move me like that!

Sometimes, you just need to have those songs that make you feel that way, and if you don't please get on YouTube, Pandora, Spotify, or whatever it is that you use to find music; because even if you don't care for music, there has to be at least one song somewhere that can relate to however you feel right this very second.

Personally, I found my music when I was in about 2nd grade, listening to my moms old iPod nano, filled with on-hit-wonders of the 90's.I will never be able to thank her enough because, for every time I would sit there and let the melodies from the now-ancient device, my young mind would sit there and let my innocence filter out any un--savory content from the raunchy pop songs, I would slowly be falling in love with music itself.

Flash forward 9-ish years, I'm sitting here spilling out my messy emotions into lyrical patters, some call poetry, but to me poetry is that of a song that hasn't found it's melody yet. Regardless, music is the core of all the creative passion I feel in my life!

So I guess you could say one-hit-wonders of the 90's have thoroughly inspired me to do something as bold as to start a blog, where I can spill my emotions out to all of you via a screen and share some sense of relation amongst all of us crazy enough to take note of our emotions and confront them, either it be in your mind, on paper, or by means of a screen. I just want to say, I'm proud of you for confronting the lack of vacancy in your ever so dissembled thoughts.




Honestly, I am so thankful that I feel so passionately about something where it can move someone to tears, with only words. Sorry this post isn't anything fancy-dance-y, but this is me, and it hopefully is one of my better thoughts.

Olivia
xoxo

Late Night Poetry pt2

As said in my previous late night poetry post, sometimes I write some cool stuff at night. Today I decided to refine and edit, so that's just what I did.  With that, I present to you the somewhat cryptic Rubeola.

Rubeola

My mind was a void of empty space:

Ready for the fantasy of something that ended peacefully.

Ready for something that didn't involve tears.

Ready for happiness.

My mind previously left in shambles:

Yearned for something to counteract the insidious behavior of the previous inhabitant on my thoughts.

Yearned for a new thought to occupy my mind.

Yearned for happiness.

My mind was in need of self-healing:

Striving for a sense of security.

Striving for understanding of the complex emotions I felt.

Striving for happiness.

My mind was purely saddened by the thought of you:

Wishing for simplicity is the chaos you left within me.

Wishing for the anger to be assuaged.

Wishing for the happiness back, that you had so easily taken from me.

Have a good day,

Olivia 

Xoxo

Thoughts

  Do/did you have classes where the second the teacher would talk you mind would go numb? Personally, for me that class is science. The thoughts that flood my vacant mind, are those of rhymed whimsy. I can't help it, my right brain wants to run free and leave my left brain to learn, but sadly they are tied together like two kids participating in a three-legged-race. Whenever the right side acts up, it will command me to doodle or scribble all over the sides of my notes and or assignments. I like to think of those doodles as my compensating the "left-sidedness" of whatever we're learning. My doodles are anything from numbers depicting how many more dreadful seconds I have left until I'm free from the class, to poorly drawn flowers with swirls all down the margins of my paper(s).   

  On the flip side did/do you have a class where the second the teacher would talk, you would be sucked into the lesson faster that a valley girl to a Starbucks coupon? For me that is History. It's like a hour of story time, and from the minute my teacher opens her mouth I am sucked into a realty many years removed, but in that one class period, that lesson seems to coexist with that of the reality we are living. 

 Hope you're having a good day,
Olivia
xoxo